My wife came home this morning from the school run, to tell me that a woman we know had a visit from social services. It appears her children had told teachers of a threat she made, partly in joke and partly in the heat of the moment. Whilst they were misbehaving, she had told them that id they didn't stop then she would lock them in a cupboard! Teachers had taken this as a red flag, and immediately informed social services, instead of speaking to the mother first.
The woman had had a visit from social services, without any notification, after a wholly innocent comment to her children. That visit is now on her permanent record, and if anything similar happens in the future she could lose her children! We all make the mistake of threatening our children when we are mad at them, I've heard parents tell their children that they will get a spanking if they don't stop misbehavng - the last thing I would think is to phone the social services, I would just be thanking my lucky stars that it wasn't my children being naughty!
I was the victim of a similar episode about 12 months ago. We received a letter through the post from social services, explaining that they were coming to see us on a specific date. We were flabbergasted and had absolutely no idea what it was in connection with. We called and asked, but they would give no details over the phone. You can't help wondering though, what it's all about, question everything you've ever done in your time with your children, and wonder if your behaviour WAS inappropriate. It feels like a bomb has dropped on your family life, destroying everything you ever did in the name of family and enjoying time with your children. We just had to sit and wait for three weeks to see what it was all about. That time went slowly and was almost unbearable.
The day came and two social workers turned up at our door. They were very friendly and personable, and informed us that the visit was just routine and nothing to worry about. They began by talking to my wife and I - they had been informed that I had behaved in "an inappropriate way" with my step daughters. I was incredulous it was like I had been hit by a bus, I could not get my breath, my wife could not believe it either and leapt to my defense! On top of this, I had just been CRB checked by the local school, after helping with their end of year play.
Reeling from the shock, I was banished from any further interactions. My wife sat with the social workers as they interviewed each of my step children, in reference to how I behaved with them. I was not allowed to listen or know what had been said, but just had to sit and wonder what had happened, and how it had happened. What on earth had I done to deserve this?
We were due to get married in a few weeks, and after the social workers had left and we were chatting about it all, we figured somebody must be trying to throw a spanner in the works. But who? My wife told me what had gone on in my absence and we talked about what had been said to her afterwards. Before they left, the social workers had told my wife that it appeared that our eldest - who is very imaginative and very happy to share - had said something to somebody (they wouldn't say who) which had been taken totally out of context, and thus resulted in the report to social services.
About 2 weeks later we received a copy of the social services report which stated very clearly, that we were just a "normal family" with a normal family life and that nothing untoward had happened. They also stated what they told my wife, that our eldest had said something which had been taken totally out of context by the person who reported the issue. Everything was back to normal again and we could continue with our lives.
We married a week later, but during the reception, as during the weeks prior to our marriage, we were still wondering had one of these people contacted the social services? To this day, we still don't know who it was that made the complaint or why, but given what my wife told me this morning, I wonder - was it the school? I guess we will never know.
This whole situation has changed my life. I was terribly affected emotionally by it all, and in some ways I still am. I would break down in tears for no reason - I felt totally alone and isolated (it was a horrible feeling), I would have feelings of resentment towards the children for putting me in this situation (although I know they said what they did in all innocence), I was snappy and irritable, and I was VERY angry - I wanted to confront the person responsible for bringing this situation into our lives.
Today things could not be better, my family could not be happier and my relationship with the children could not be more loving. I no longer have the feelings of resentment I had, but I am very aware of everything I do with the children, especially the girls, and I shy away from certain things that I used to get involved with - such as bath times. It's terrible, when you cannot interact with children the way you should, but even though I did nothing wrong and would never do anything like that to a child, I am still nervous of how things I do could be misconstrued - you have to be so careful with things these days (I have a friend, who will not go to the toilet or shower in his own home, if his daughter has a friend home - how crazy is that?)
My advice to you, if you find yourself in a similar situation is - although it's worrying and you cant help but wonder why, what and who - try and keep a level head, you know that you have done nothing wrong. The social services are fair, impartial and professional - that's why they exist - and they will take everything said into consideration. You may as well not worry about who said what to who, because you will never find out. Just hold your head high and be confident in your knowledge that you have done nothing wrong. If you don't, you may just lose your mind!
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